Yeah. Water guns?
Squirt guns?
Yeah, l think. Squirt guns.
Spooky, huh?
Wait, the loaf, l think itīs burning.
Look at him trying to weasel his way out of it.
He didnīt do anything, Sam.
Anton, donīt you think itīs a little peculiar...
that little children would be shooting perfume at you?
l thought it was something American kids do.
A fad, l donīt know. We should have some salad.
ltīs very expensive perfume, Anton.
l used to wear that perfume.
Good call, Sam!
Last week you had lipstick on your collar.
From the monkey.
And now perfume...
from squirt guns from rich New York kids.
What do you think the odds are...
of something like that happening to one person?
l donīt know. Ask a mathematician.
Ask your old boyfriend, the Milky Way man.
Thatīs you, Sam.
What are you getting at?
Youīre driving me crazy.
Anton, l want you to promise me something.
Just promise that if you were ever doing anything...
that you would tell me.
Why are you even thinking of such a thing?
Maybe we could work it out.
l just couldnīt take it if you were lying to me.
Sweetie, why would l have sex with a hamburger...
when l can make love to a steak?
Oh, come on.
Forget about it.
Sheīs this close, Sam.
This close.
Bring some cups and saucers.
And bring some other bottles.
What did l miss?
l think weīre getting to them.
l definitely think that weīre getting to them.
Did you get the sweet and sour?
Look, my darling...
l wanted to show you how well my hands fit on top of my knees...
and to give you a little kiss.
Get away from me, please. You are rude.
But l love you, my little lamb. l must have you.
My love is throbbing at quite a fevered cadence.
You cannot have me.
My love is reserved for another.
You cannot mean...
Yes, the Milky Way man!
No! Anyone but him.
This is a man who can predict puffer cluster emissions.
To him l am nothing.
A little, teeny--līm a worm.
l love his emissions.
Not every man...
can be a Milky Way man.
What will you do now?
Forlorn, l will roam the earth by myself, thinking of you...
and pausing occasionally to have the sex with the skullses.
Thatīs good.
Now be quiet about that...
or l will make you eat another one of those pecans!
This is very good.
Look how līm licking my fingers. You like that?
l like everything. l am French.
Ordering!
līve been dying for one of these all night.
Can l ask you a question, Anton?
Sure you can.
How do you like America?
Why do you ask?
Youīre French.
Do you ever miss it?
Do you ever get lonely for your own country?
l was never so much French since līve been here.
You know Superman?
Thatīs me, līm Superman.
And France was like Krypton.
On Krypton everybody was Superman.
You make a nice sauce.
Everybody make a nice sauce.
You say hello to a nice woman with your French accent...
and everybody says, ''Hello! ''
But here on Earth, the moment l arrived...
l knew this was the place l had special powers.
l talk about my little town...
and the bankers open their checkbooks and say...
''How great, charming, and exotic you are, Anton.''
l could read the phone book to a woman...
and they become hypnotized, wet as morning daisies.
Here l have these powers.
Back home, l was nothing.
But here, līm Superman.
Hip-hip, America! Hip-hip, land of freedom!
Now you, youīre not French.
But itīs OK, you know?
You still have opportunity in this country.
Yesterday, he had no job, no future.
But today, a step-up.
A little step, but a step.
Soon you can afford a place to live and get a girlfriend.
l have a girlfriend.
No, really. Pretty girl?
Sheīs the most wonderful woman in the world.
She must love you a good deal.
You think women only want men for their money?
No, not just money.
Power also, and success.
Donīt fool yourself, dishwasher.
They want a man who takes what he wants.
l donīt think thatīs true.
Listen.
My girlfriend was seeing a man when l met her.
l took her back to my place, and l ask her about him...
very innocently, of course.
Of course.
She had many wonderful things to say about him.
How nice and devoted, how gentle he was.
So l started to probe in very subtle ways...
about how strong, powerful, and successful he was.
l was very good.
ln no time, we were lying together on my couch.
l think she wanted me to force her away from him.
You could see it in her eyes.
She wanted the battle.
She was crying, too, but she was kissing me.
Later, of course, she came like a rocket.
Donīt worry about the glass.
l wonīt charge you this time.
Anton, heīs here. Matheson.
Matheson? Are you sure?
Table nine.
Oh, my God. ltīs him.
Go.
līll take care of him.
Did you bring them?
What l just did was the most revolting thing līve ever done.
Harold Matheson, the food critic for the Times.
Big step. Are you sure youīre ready for this?
Everyone!
l want everyone to do a good job tonight.
l want everything perfect.
Didier, l can see this is not good!
And you, dishwasher, you donīt drop a dish tonight.
l want everything perfect for the bastard.
Heaven for the pig.
Gimme, gimme.
līve created a monster.
l asked your steward for a Chenin Blanc...
and he brought me this.
You have any idea how that happened?
l took the liberty, Mr. Matheson.
ltīs from my private reserve.
You know, if l had a suspicious mind...
līd think youīre trying to get on my good side.
l thought you would enjoy the year.
līd say that your little ruse is working very well,
especially if you could locate another bottle.
Well, certainly. Excuse me.
We might find a bottle or two.
Enjoy your meal, Mr. Matheson.
līve just come back from France.
Whereabouts are you from?
ltīs just Beaucaire.
ltīs just a small province in the south of France.
Oh, Beaucaire.
l know that. lsnīt that near Nîmes?
ls that near Nîmes?
Excuse me?
ls that near Nîmes?
Yes, itīs near there.
Oh, my God!
Did you see that?
l remember.
ltīs a little to the south and over the hill.
Yes, it is on the other side of the hill.
ltīs a little south.
The look on Mathesonīs face.
What are you smiling about?
līm sorry.
lts legs were fighting in his mouth like this.
Everything l had is in that restaurant.
ltīs not that bad. l have my job.
Your teacherīs salary wonīt pay for the toilet paper!
Thatīs because they donīt pay teachers what theyīre worth.
ln some parts of the world--
Linda, donīt go there.
Do you mind if we donīt have this discussion again right now?
Thank you, Anton.
Donīt be angry.
līm not angry.
Sheīs angry.
What if they close me down permanently?
What would you do?
What do you mean?
l mean, if l couldnīt afford this nice place anymore?
You can always find work.
You can go back to modeling...
He was a model?
What if l couldnīt find work?
Then what?
What would you do if l were poor?
l would sit out on the curb with you all day...
and sell pencils.
Then when it got dark, we would crawl...
into our cozy refrigerator box and make love all night...
and then sell pencils again at sun-up.
Where are you going?
Whereīs he going?
Whatīs he doing?
Talk to me.
Heīs getting something off of a shelf.
What is it?
ltīs a ring. Oh, no...
What does it look like?
ltīs a circle of diamonds with a...
A big, fat opal in the middle?
līm familiar with it.
What is that?
-The bastard. -What?
Would you like to be my wife?
Here.
Nana!
So you found me.
l get 50 pounds of flowers delivered to my door...
and l call the florist...
and he gives me your name and this charming address...
and the earrings and the perfume...
and the television set, for Christīs sake.
Whatīs got into your head, girl?
Too much? You didnīt like them?
ltīs one thing not to call your mother for ages...
but to hide from me for two months.
You better be found lying dead in the gutter...
if you know whatīs good for you.
What is that? Your tits look like hard little rocks.
Cut it out.
As for you...
taking my little girl away from me.
Come here now!
līm Margaretīs Nana.
ltīs such a pleasure to finally meet you, Anton.
līm very happy to finally be meeting you, too.
lf we hurry, we can get you some vanilla custard...
at Di Robertiīs before it closes.
The spoon goes in right side up, dear.
We werenīt brought up in a barn.
Nana, you got something in your teeth right here.
Here, hand them to me.
Oh, you little bitch!
Oh, dear, itīs late.
l think l better be getting home.
You have to go already?
līve got a yoga class in the morning.
But first, l want to take your picture.
Move in closer.
Put your arm around her, Anton.
Put your arm around her.
Maggie, donīt make a face.
līm not.
She always makes a face when you take her picture.
l do not.
For Peteīs sake, just act natural.
Why donīt you give her a kiss, Anton?
ltīs my mistake.
Donīt be shy. Come on.
You can do better than that, Anton.
Yeah, Anton, you can do better than that.
Did you see a flash?
God, l hate these things.
Come on, kiss.
All right, Maggie, dear, will you take care of the check?
Just spend the night with us.
ln that Bohemian hell hole?
How long were you in our hell hole before we got there?
Not very long. l just straightened up a little.
Listened to the radio.
What radio?
Oh, the radio.
What was on the radio?
Some little radio play.
More like a soap opera.
līm ashamed to admit l listened to that silly thing.
-What was it about? -Who cares?
l want to hear more about the both of you.
līm interested, too.
Letīs see, it was two characters.
A Frenchman and a girl.
ln the beginning, heīs on his way home...
and sheīs upset about something.
lt turns out she thinks heīs having an affair.
And he says, ''l didnīt, l didnīt!''
And she says, ''Well, how do you explain this?''
and shows him some undergarments she found in the couch...
and some other things he canīt explain, and he denies it.
Then she says something about monkeys.
l really couldnīt follow that.
And then there was silence for a bit...
and then he confesses.
He what?
He confesses.
He was seeing another woman,
an investor or something. lt was a little confusing.
Come on, letīs go!
Then what happened?
He starts crying and begging her to forgive him...
and she says a certain four-letter word...
more than a couple of times and storms out.
l didnīt know you were so interested...
in this kind of thing.
We listen to that show all the time.
Watch your fingers.
līve got it.
Good.
Look at him.
All right.
l canīt. l have to go.
līm waiting for a call. Shit.
Who is it?
Anton? līm Mr. Green.
Lindaīs father.
How are you? Come on.
Can l offer you something, a cup--
''Anton, you hurt me very badly.
''All l asked for was honesty, and you betrayed me.
''l had hoped...''
Ah, hell...
l canīt believe it. We did it!
Why?
We did it, Sam!
All this time, and we werenīt even here for it.
What are you going to do now?
She left suddenly, right?
So she probably went someplace familiar.
To the hotel where she was staying before.
Youīre probably right.
What are you waiting for, Sam?
Go get her.
Now?
Yeah, now. Whatīs the matter with now?
l canīt. What would it look like?
Who cares? Sheīs not thinking straight.
Sheīll buy anything.
Whatīs the big hurry to get me out of here?
Look, if you donīt want her after all this...
Of course l do.
l donīt care about that.
ltīs your business.
l still got some work to do...
and, no offense, but l really miss my privacy.
l thought we could just take a minute to say good-bye.
l mean, it feels kind of strange to not...
You have to wreck everything, donīt you?
Are we done saying good-bye yet?
Youīre still here.
No, she does not want to see you.
You are not welcome.
You try and sneak in here again, and youīre going to jail.
How dare you, you bastard?
l rape your skull!
Dishwasher!
l knew it was you.
Anton, hi.
ls that any kind of greeting for your old boss?
How are you?
līve never been better.
Every day is a holiday, every night the Fourth of July.
Oh, good. Well, l better be going.
līm lying.
l feel terrible.
l broke up with my fiancée.
My restaurant is gone, and līm running out of money.
līm sorry.
Donīt worry. Donīt be sorry.
Do you have a place yet?
Not yet.
Youīll stay with me, then.
Why?
You donīt even know me.
l know one thing.
That last night at the restaurant...
everyone is running around, even me...
but l notice you in your little room.
You were not looking out...
you were not staring stupidly like the rest.
You just kept working like a rock.
Youīre a good man, good friend.
Whatīs your name, by the way?
Mike, līm a nervous wreck.
līm not doing well on my own.
l feel vide.
ltīs like somebody has thrown away a piece of me.
How do you say vide...
when there is nothing inside something?
Hollow.
Yeah. Thatīs how l feel.
l feel so hollow.
You would be doing me a favor, really.
Just one drink.
l canīt go back to that empty apartment by myself.
l will die. Please.
Thatīs it. No more.
You must try this one next.
ltīs a sexy little Margaux from ī83.
l was going to give it to Matheson...
to help wash down the bugs.
Mike, l donīt know how she found out.
l was going to tell this other woman good-bye, anyway.
l only slept with her to help the loan for my restaurant.
ltīs not like l cheated, you know...
and it was only once with this woman.
And l hardly came at all...
just a fraction of what līm capable.
l thought of Linda the entire time.
lf that can be twisted into something terrible...
līm surely the only sane man in a world gone mad.
Donīt you think?
l really couldnīt say, Anton.
līm going to get her back, Mike.
She needs me.
l have to get her back.
This is really good.
līm sorry. lt is.
Time for bed.
l have modeling work waiting for me tomorrow.
A step down, yes, but Anton Depeux isnīt proud.
Look at me, Mike.
l havenīt gained a pound since my modeling days.
līm going to be just fine, and you donīt worry about me.
l guess l better be moseying on, then.
Let you get your beauty rest.
Please, a little longer.
You know, the crčme caramel is almost done...
and l have a very nice wine for my friend here.
līll be right back. Here you go. Please.
Wait there.
Maggie, come to the window.
Please, this wasnīt my idea.
Maggie, donīt be angry with me.
Maggie, look at him. How could l leave him?
l havenīt done this in years.
How is it in English?
Our Father, who art in heaven...
l miss my father.
Hallowed be Thy name...
Hollow...hollow--
Hallowed be Thy name...
Stay out of my business.
After you, Abner...and Evelyn.
Marching good. Weīre being a snake.
A snake. Weīre looking good.
Now be an elephant.
And marching and two and...
Oh, my God!
Sam, it is you.
Youīre here because of me?
God, Sam, l canīt believe youīre actually here with me.
l canīt, either.
lf only you knew what līve been going through...
the last couple of days.
Listen to me, feeling sorry for myself.
You know what l miss?
l miss noon.
Me, too.
Sometimes l look up and wave at the sky.
-The kids think līm nuts. -l know.
Of course you do.
Youīve been watching me through your telescope...
all the way from Archerīs Bluff.
Sam, youīre the best.
How could l ever leave you?
What was l thinking?
Why did you?
l donīt know. līm nuts.
Thatīs what my father says.
Thatīs not a real answer.
l know.
Why did l ever leave you, Sam?
Youīre so generous and kind and honest.
Linda, you donīt know everything about me.
Of course l do.
Youīre my Milky Way man.
Youīre in love with that man?
Youīre breaking my heart!
Get him off! Come on!
Kiss me, Sam, please.
l got a stud.
That l didnīt know.
Linda, letīs go!
l got to go.
Come to my hotel tonight.
The Evangeline, eight oīclock?
Eight oīclock. līll be there.
Letīs give that man a hand.
Thank you, thank you.
Go to hell! Take anything you want.
Donīt forget the TV!
And donīt forget the sofa also!
You fascist!
How dare you?
līll rape your skull, you bastard!
Look out.
Anton, whatīs going on?
Credit card bastards!
They say l owe them thousands.
l never used the card.
Help me find my other shoe...
because if l find my other shoe, l will be just fine.
l have a nice little modeling job waiting for me...
with a nice little agency...
and after l get my money, līm going to go down...
and wipe it in their disgusting credit card faces!
You canīt keep Anton Depeux down...
because Anton Depeux is going to be just fine!
Look at me now, you credit card bastards!
What, a pimple?
Tell me itīs not a pimple.
ls it a rash or an allergy?
ltīs called a chronic allergy.
ltīs from food or mold, like shellfish, strawberries--
Strawberries?
l havenīt touched any of...
of those...for years.
Well, can l get you some ice or heat? Ointment?
Look! Look! Look!
l am...look...
There you go.
There you go, lover.
Thatīs what l want to hear.
Hold it! Stop!
We need to talk.
So how was your date with Linda?
You looked cozy. līm happy it worked out.
You were there?
l miss you, Sam.
We were like girlfriends.
This isnīt about him anymore, is it?
Who, him?
You know, call me a hopeless romantic.
l just hate to let him out of my sight.
Where are you going?
Nothing worse can happen to me.
l have to see Linda.
This is very painful.
Maybe now isnīt a good time.
You donīt look your best.
What if sheīs seeing another man, Mike?
Another man touching her hair, her hips...
her pink panties.
Oh, God, her pink panties.
The one with the little--
You think me pathetic, donīt you?
Yes, l do.
With Linda, the worst moments of my life...
were the happiest līve ever known.
Even as the world was crashing around my shoulders...
l had the most extraordinary times with her.
Yet l only knew her a brief time.
Your woman, how long do you know her?
A few weeks.
A few weeks? Love comes swift and hard.
Not a few weeks. Since we were kids.
You just said a few weeks.
l did. l said that.
l didnīt say you didnīt.
But l did. l said that.
How did you two meet?
Common interests.
When will l meet her?
Weīre actually not together anymore.
You didnīt get along?
No. We had a great time together.
And what drove you apart?
Another guy.
She loves another man?
No, she hates him.
She hates his guts.
Anton, līm sorry. l have to go.
Youīre not coming with me to see her?
Youīre on your own, sport.
What in the world are you doing?
l didnīt even come close to him!
līm so sorry, Anton.
līm so sorry.
Linda. Where is Linda?
ltīs all right. līm here.
Linda Green!
Nice and slow.
l got you.
Go back.
l almost killed him, Maggie.
l was trying to protect him from somebody...
who l thought was you, and l almost killed him.
l broke his arms and his ribs.
For what?
l was going to ask you about that, Sam.
Not that līm ungrateful.
Stop it, Maggie. Just stop it.
l was just curious about that.
This isnīt about him anymore. This is about us.
You and me.
l love you, Maggie.
Oh, God, donīt do this.
l love you.
What are you doing?
And l know you love me.
Why are you saying that?
- l know you love me. - Donīt do this, Sam.
Youīre crazy about me.
You should go home. Just get on a plane and go.
l wonīt hurt you, Maggie, l swear.
Look, l am trying to be nice, and you...
l donīt love you, Sam.
l donīt have one iota of feeling for you whatsoever.
Then what were you doing this morning...
watching me and Linda?
He wasnīt there.
Why were you there?
ltīs none of your business anymore what l do or why.
You were there watching me because you care about me...
because you have feelings for me.
You want to know why l was there, Sam?
You really want to know? Pictures.
Pictures of you and Linda.
l told you l want him finished off.
lt doesnīt have anything to do with you and me.
l told you, stay out of my way.
Thatīs it?
lf thatīs what you want, thatīs what itīs going to take.
Fine. Letīs get it the hell over with, then.
Thank God, Mike.
Thank God youīre back.
Scratch me, Mike, please.
Scratch my chest, my face, quickly.
Why?
Please, līm not kidding. l canīt stand it.
Why should l help you?
For the love of God, Mike!
What did you do, Anton?
You must have done something terrible to deserve all this.
What did you do?
l donīt understand what youīre talking about.
Confess, Anton!
Have you gone mad?
līm begging you.
Just for a moment.
Just one scratch.
Look at you. Youīve lost everything you have.
Your money, your love, your self-respect.
Youīre broken, Anton.
Youīre repulsive!
ls this what you want? ls this enough?
No, huh? You want more?
All right.
Do it, Anton. Confess.
Confess what?
That you hurt people!
Who, Linda? Yes, l cheated on Linda.
l admit it, but why should you care?
You were using her, werenīt you?
What are you talking about?
Just admit it!
That you were using her to stay in this country...
just the way you used Maggie!
l never told you anything about Maggie.
Who the hell are you?
līm the Milky Way man...
and l know everything.
Youīre going to hurt yourself.
Youīre killing yourself.
Here. Let me help you.
Howīs this? You enjoying the show?
Maggie was my angel.
She brought me here, in America.
l was nothing before l met her.
Just a waiter in a little café in Paris.
Yeah. l used her.
l used her terribly.
But l didnīt think it mattered...
because l was...
sure that l would grow to love her.
l thought if l could just love her, then...
it would be all right.
The shame would go away.
You canīt choose who you love, Mike...
or whoever the hell you are...
and l love Linda.
l love Linda.
More than anything!
Who the hell do you think you are to judge?
Who the hell do you think you are?
līm nobody, Anton.
līm nobody.
Nobody to nobody.
Linda, we need to talk.
Hello? Yes, please.
l need to be scratched on my face, my chest, and my back.
Please. Hello?
lt is an emergency call. l swear.
Hello, mister?
Say weīre even.
What?
Just say it.
Yes, we are even.
Good.
So how ya been?
Here! līm here, Linda!
Oh, baby! Look at you!
Oh, God!
Oh, honey!
l love you.
Youīre everything to me.
Bad dog! Go away!
So l saw this episode of Lassie today...
and Lassie was accused of a crime she didnīt commit...
and the ranger was coming to put her to sleep.
Howīs Lassie going to get out of this one?
Well, the little boy found out that the ranger was coming...
and he told Lassie that...
that she had to go away, far away.
For her own good.
But Lassie wouldnīt leave.
See, Lassie just couldnīt leave the boy.
What did he do?
He told her that he never liked her.
He said, ''l hate you.
''l hate you, Lassie. Youīre a bad dog.
''l hope l never see you again.''
That must have made Lassie sad.
Yes, it did.
Lassie trotted off...
very sadly.
But you know what happened?
Lassie came home, Maggie.
Did the little boy make it with Lassie?
Yes, he did.